page 25

Bonfire

In the dream there is a Weld. Francis is in the Weld. She gets closer and she can see the food, the fruit and leaves and meats spilling out of the horn. The Horn of Plenty from her childhood books. A large cream shell lying on the dark grass. Viands, she thinks, nectar. Francis is back, crouching by the horn, eating everything that comes out. He’s wearing his yellow raincoat. He’s eating and eating and he’s not getting any bigger.

I got plenty of nothing

Nothing’s plenty for me

Cody sings these lines all day after she remembers the dream.

She doesn’t imagine Francis to be the kind of guy who feels sexual frustration. He doesn’t seem to be driven by anything like that. She wishes that he was.

I’m the guy here, she decides. It makes sense the more she thinks about it. The two times they’ve had sex, she’s fallen straight to sleep after while Francis has lain awake. She can tell by the darker than usual circles under his eyes in the mornings. Also, she can drink more than him. Which is not to say she can hold it better, but she can keep going long after he’s had enough. She knows this is not her most attractive feature.

She’s not the guy. She knows that too. She doesn’t even know what a guy is, other than Guy Fawkes. She wishes she was more politically active.

She goes to bed at night determined not to dream about Francis. She doesn’t. She doesn’t. She does.

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