Inside Information.

Neither do we refer to the methods of rejuvenation urged by certain prophylactic propagandists in the monthly magazines, who shoot off salvos of subtle suggestion concerning our inner histories, which even the modern biographer might (and might not), hesitate to divulge—interrogational insinuendos, such as:—

Do you feel as young as you did before you were as old as you are?
Do you experience a meat-eorological depression in the meridian after eating?
Why wear a bald patch on the thatch?

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Do you feel old at ninety?
Does everything you eat turn to food?

At a curse-ory glance, such instances of human frailty as the aforementioned, have no apparent bearing on the question of youth; but the altruistic advertiser knows his homeopaths, and hastens to point out how, by such errors as wearing a hissute hiatus under the hat, and allowing our luncheons to rest heavily on our conscience, we are beating the basinette, cheating childhood, and throwing away a golden opportunity of living according to Plunket.

Believe me, dear reader, Youth depends on none of these artful aids. Youth is not in the cells, but in the cerebrum. It is only kept in the mind by keeping it in mind. It can be regained, once lost, solely by glueing the optic of optimism earnestly to the wrong end of Time's telescope and thus keeping the soda-fountain of the soul permanently refreshed with youthful effervescence.