Delicate Fabric.

“Eliza,” said a friend of the family to the old coloured washerwoman, “have you seen Miss Edith's fiancé?”

“No, ma'am,” she answered, “it ain't been in the wash yet.”

* * *

The Sweetener.

Pat was one day employed by an old lady in the country. At tea time, when the old lady was serving the tea, she laid a small morsel of honey on the plate.

“Begorra, ma'am,” said Pat, “I see you keep a bee.”

* * *

Truth.

Mother (to her little boy, after telling her a lie): “Do you know what happens to little boys that tell lies?”

“Yes, mother, they travel half fare.”

* * *

Wrong Door.

Mrs. So and So: “I'm bothered with a little wart I'd like to have removed.”

Doctor: “The divorce lawyer is at the second door to your left.”

* * *

Different.

Census Taker: “What is your Husband's name?”

Mrs. Murphy: “Pat.”

Census Taker: “I want his full name.”

Mrs. Murphy: “Well, when he's full, he thinks he's Gene Tunney.”

* * *

“Waiter,” the diner said, “there's a dead fly swimming in this soup.”

“Impossible, sir,” said the waiter stiffly, “a dead fly can't swim.”

Keep the Home Fires Burning!

Moses to his Son: “Now, Ikey, if you will saw me some wood, I will let you play with the sawdust.”

* * *

Real Gratitude.

Lawyer: “Rastus, the jury acquits you of the theft of any chickens. Do you want to thank them for their decision?”

Rastus: “Yes, suh—Ah wants to do more dan dat. Ah wants to invite dem out to a chicken dinner.”

* * *

Trumped!