The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 5, Issue 7 (December 1, 1930)
Wit and Humour
Wit and Humour
Among Irishmen.
Judge O'Flaherty: “Haven't you been here before me before?”
Casey: “No, y'r honour. Oi niver saw but wan face that looked loike yours an’ that was a photograph of an Irish king.”
Judge O'Flaherty: “Discharged. Call th’ nixt case.”
* * *
Caught.
Football Freddie: “See that inside left? He'll be our best man before the season's much older.”
Tender Trixie: “Oh, darling! Isn't this rather sudden?”
* * *
A Popular Grandma.
Sarcastic Boss: “I notice there were 35,000 people present on the afternoon that your grandmother was buried.”
Office Boy (rising to the occasion): “I couldn't swear to that, sir, but grandma was always very popular!”
* * *
Precocious!
The teacher was testing the knowledge of the kindergarten class. Slapping, a shilling on the desk, she said sharply, “What is that?”
Instantly a voice from the back row said: “Tails!”
* * *
Auto-Suggestion.
Well-meaning Stranger: “Perhaps I can help you—there are one or two things I can tell you about this make of car.”
Motorist: “Well, keep them to yourself. There are ladies present.”
* * *
All Wool and a Yard Wide?
She: “Don't you think sheep are the most stupid creatures living?”
He (absently): “Yes, my lamb.”
* * *
Other Times.
The old gentleman's wife was entering a railway carriage, and he neglected to assist her.
“You are not so gallant, John, as when I was a gal,” she exclaimed, in gentle rebuke.
“No,” was his ready response, “and you are not so buoyant as when I was a boy.”
* * *
Her Catch.
“Has you made all arrangements for your marriage, Mandy?”
“Well not quite all, Dinah. I's got to buy a trooso, an’ rent a house an’ get my husband a job, an’ get some regular washin’ work to do. An’ when them's done ah kin name the happy day.”